Loneliness--A continued experience

A question

2006-02-24T23:28:00.000+08:00

"Why nobody wants to follow what i am doing? I feel so lonely."
"Perhaps what you are doing is different from others opinion of right acts." said another.
"Am i such a loner?"

Long time never blogged. hahaz, stupid CCTs and project assignments, the common mechanical features of RP. wad can u expect, skipping of O lvls wil onli result in more work to do. tt's natural. well, when A lvls come, tts the time to be free. literally free.

Somehow or rather, i gt into GOH from a reserve. weird..the feeling is there, why do we bother about trivial matters of man and achievements when all i want is just forever happiness. is owning all what we care nowadays? haiz...still having problems wif psychomotor marching and rusof of flicking of rifle. haiz. Life, a problematic life, is what i live to be.

Tomorrow, i feel like going to the gym for the first-time. I really hoped someone would go with me. What was the response?
Me: "Why you all dont want to go gym?"
others: "dun wan..."
me: why nobody wants to do what i want to do?"
others: "perhaps what you think and what others think is different and unique."
me: "am i such a loner?"

well, such crazy and cynical responses can be heard from almost anywhere. You can infer a lot of things from such a simple dialogue.

1) Life is full of boredom, waiting just for us to fill it with happiness. What if you dont, or nobody wants to, well, let's just say, you are done for it.

2) Feeling misery and sad is part of life. What career woman and man are made up of, are their tough body and mind to withstand loneliness.

3) Hence, i am such a person???? well, i duno. seriously duno.

Headaches and headaches, when did i write a good post with optimistic viewpoint? I hope so.....

Signing off,
mathsguy12

Sleepiness/Smelly gases

2006-02-07T20:28:00.000+08:00

Sleepiness (6th Feb)

2dae's first lesson was chemistry. As usual, those who were late were knocking onto the floor as usual. I was early though :P Then Ms. Grace just let us started on the experiment without talking about anything. Rushed within 30 minutes :( Well, at least we gt a decent chromatogram, haha, poor david had to attach the wet-dry chromatogram to his worksheet. loLz. am i so bad?

Next was Biology, with the usual chaos and noises but this time there is no wet gloves being blown up to the limit. hehez. die olredi lorhz, Mrs. Foo havent gone through lab 2 and 3. will we be in time for the common class test? haiz. nvm. all teachers are trained to go through stuffs quick. hahaz.

Then we dily-daly, walk all the way, go bac classroom, saw ss teacher waiting le. nvm, it's ok to take up a bit of her time :) xD den she continued the March of the Penguins. i feel so sad for those who died in winter--during childbirth, during the search for food etc. At least it ended with a goodbye dance :)

Philo--Ha! As usual, so jokable Mr Yip. whole class laugh until bueh-ta-han. first time learnt that philo can mug de. lolz. "just adapt the answers from love is a fallacy and sub it into the context of the qn" quote him. So Simple?! :)

Maths--As usual, my favourite subject. If only he gave back the quiz today, nvm. nt a big deal though...talked about graphs and coordinate geometry. quite fast compared to other class :) are my class all muggers? how can they take such quickness? some sportsman who missed lessons and so on...amazing fact and question to ponder over....

Physics, talking about light and so on, i slept. haiz. dio found out. why am i so tired? i sat in a gaze, watching at the surrounding eyes disappear onto the screen of the projector.

Gtg prepare history ppt.

I lived a poor life.

~~Smelly gases~~ (7th Feb)

To kick the day off, it was hmt again. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, a time to talk, play, enjoy and have question marks in the head as the teacher speaks and drones. wad a perfect description to speak of, isnt it.

pe: floorball---first time i ever became so engrossed in floorball. duno why. perhaps it was the latent heat or something. If the only the assessment was today, that will be great.

history, didnt get to present today. heaved a sigh of relief, didnt prepare much yesterday WAHAHA. -.-

maths, omg, gt bac quiz so glad i gt full marks. i hope i can do so forever, then can beat yu hui flat. well, this sounds impossible so let's forget it. :( den we pressurized mr. chandru coz we nid to go chem lab early. haha)

chem--gas chromotography, we dealed with 6 gases,hydrogen, oxygen, carbon dioxide, ammonia, and 2 more Ms. Grace demo. Ammonia was the smellest of all. grrrrr. my nose was almost blocked. dis time it was david who bullied me. haha comparing it to yesterday's chromatogram. He asked me to cover the test-tube with rising CO2. wth. the gas was like pushing against my finger. i held for 1-2 mins. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. nvm, there are future practicals to think about. HAHa.

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...2dae nt much homework. wooho. i slept from 2-8pm.

loLz.

I slept an enriched life.

Spirits fly, souls unite

2006-02-05T23:45:00.000+08:00

Spirits fly, souls unite

Hi,
This morning i woke up at 8am, feeling extremely sleepy at the fact that i rarely get to sleep so much hours. hehe. Went to my father's sister's hse. Saw my nephew playing mega man. COOLZ. I cant believe i saw him playing that when he is onli pri 2. When i was pri 2 i dun even hav a computer at that age. yea, gt ang baos again. woohoo. better than maple's ang bao -.-

Came back frm Telok Blangah. Haiz. left wif 1 more hr to tuition for my pathetic english. nt bad, at least this time same class wif li rong. the 3:30 class is so buzzing wif li rong, jia sheng and shanjie. hehe. unlike my 1:30 class (usually i take 1:30 but becoz of telok blangah too far to rush bac to tuition venue so i take 3:30) so quiet. normally i speak de. lolz. yea, my summary skills is getting fantastic. woohoo.

At night, cousins come my hse. hehe. they played gunbound, maple, tv game alternating accounts making my computer so freaking lag. grrrrrrr. at least it was fun, we enjoyed laughing at the lagness of my computer. rofl. at least they learnt something about secondary school homework when they saw a heap of worksheets, files, and notebooks, which were bigger than art portfolio file. LOL.

I really hope they didnt leave. now i am faced with PowerPoint technical difficulties and social studies homework. i really wished that i wasnt in sec 3. so much homework. i feel as though my spirit is split into different pieces under turgid pressure, all begging me to stop studying so late at night. they sounded so weak like as though i am going to faint at any time. haiz. i must let my deserted souls unite together. but will they? How long more b4 such torture stop? i really need a companion...no siblings, no trusted friends, haiz. I really need to find one such companion that i can talk to and communicate with...enjoying times together...as the time fly by.....by the clear blue sky......when homework is all gone at the end of term 4, i will be relieved of my duty, to carry on the burning flame in me, the active me......................

I was relieved.

Feeling moody

2006-02-04T15:05:00.000+08:00

No mood

I have absolutely no idea whether am i in the right mood or not. I feel so desperate to get my life ended. so boring. haiz. sometimes i feel that my life is meaningless. wonder why. i have made decisions by myself. all the while. for 2 years. can i bear on with it? is this the true side of society, where everything is up to yourself as there is nobody else you can trust but yourself? Is society full of people who are sarcastic and only pursues fame and glory all by themselves? Am i not the only victim around? I am seriously tired. I cant take it anymore. When i think back of such incidents, it only makes my life miserable. The number of happy incidents i thought back in my life were so few that the happy feeling is being overtaken by the immense boredness in my heart. how disheartening.....

Loneliness overcame me.

Me

2006-02-04T14:47:00.000+08:00

CNY's over

I never expect it to be over so fast. so much so that it lasted only three days. I counted my ang bao money. Haiz. Same as usual. But what is so different this year is that i received a call from my friend. He told me that his ang bao money needed to be taken away (some part) to be given to his parents?! I was like: oh, maybe his parents want to make profit :)

When CNY's over, it is time for homework again. Teachers spamming homework and assignments all over the table like as though it is littering time. Well, such litter-bugs cant be complained and they wont get Corrective work order (CWO). In this weekend i olredi hav a lot of homework. Haiz. Sometimes i really think back to my primary school period when everything is so relaxing, so enjoyable, homework always finished, can go out and play basketball, soccer, badminton, those days of laughter and communication. I REALLY MISSED THAT!

I could still remember primary school days, days when all of us were innocent and cute-looking. That time I can communicate well, coz i know who my best friends are. Yan Wei was like talking to me all about online games, games, games, and games. haha. love that. he was a gd friend, guiding me and teaching me all the while, so patient he was. (i was hard to teach) we both helped each other out. now we are the same sec school but different class. he is in his Chinese orchestra cca, wish him best of luck!

Of course, i also hang out with jeff and bryan, the twins. they always make me laugh. i spent time laughing out and playing more than doing homework in primary school days. those days were fun. in the morning we opened the teachers' computer in the classroom secretly just to play. It was so memorable. When the PSLE results came, i became saddened. jeff and i go to one sch, bryan and the rest went to anderson. haiz. the separation, i feel like going to anderson, but in the end, somehow i made the choice of going ri. i wondered and thought: why did i make such a choice? But at that time, i didnt knew what disastrous results this choice would make and affect my social life...

now in sec school, sec 3 le. a lot of ppl call me nicknames, unbearable. every day, i sure get to hear such things. absolutely unbearable. my maths is gd, so a lot of ppl talk to me. But this makes it worse to differentiate who is your true friend. I am tired of such life. really. with so much homework and pretence all over the studying compounds. i rather go bac to sec 1 when i knew a lot of friends. all so willing to talk and communicate and make friends. that life was the best. we were reputated to be the best class 1D'04, 2D'05 I am proud of it. Very. in terms of studies or physical, we learnt to be sporting and helpful. nw, sec 3, my class has vandalizers, thiefs, muggers, all sorts of ppl and the class is sooo noisy and it became the notorious class in teachers' eyes. nt tt i care about such remarks but did i really make the right choice? i wonder. perhaps i have to admit that this is my life. even til now, i noe so much friends, but i cant differentiate who is my true friends. i really feel so lonely. a loneless soul flying around. if onli someone get help me get out of my misery...my primary school classmates. i really miss you around.